My Place Beside You
by Trajet Trouvaille
Summary: Derek tries to determine where his place with Meredith is.
1. Chapter 1

Laying in bed together, Derek hugged Meredith close. He kissed her gently on the lips and used his fingers to push back a stray strand of her hair.

"What is this? Meredith, what are we doing here?" Derek spoke slowly after finally making up his mind to ask the question. How long had it been since they started this? What were they? He knew that Meredith loved him and he loved her, but she never seemed ready to commit. His eyes scanned her face for some sort of reaction.

"What do you mean, Derek? It's sex. Really good, seriously good, sex." She looked like she might say more, then she just smiled. She was trying to avoid this.

"I need to know where it's going. I can't just be… this isn't what I want." He didn't understand the problem. If two people love each other, than what was so hard about having a relationship? He had been thinking about this a lot lately. He knew that she had been hurt when she found out about his marriage. But he also thought that they had gotten past it. Addison was gone and they were free to be together. Didn't she want to be with him?

"Then what do you want? This is supposed to be fun, remember? Talking about the future is not fun." Meredith scooted to the other side of the bed.

Derek put his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.

"Look, I have a shift in a couple of hours, so I need to get some sleep." She sounded annoyed.

Derek pulled his hand back, but for a few moments did nothing else. When Meredith didn't speak again, Derek got out of the bed and got dressed. He took another look at Meredith and quietly made his way out of the room. He really wished that she could get past whatever issues she was having. He just wanted to be with her. He just wanted Meredith to let him love her.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek walked out of the OR. The surgery had been a success and it hadn't taken too long, which was something Derek was happy about. He was one of the best neurosurgeons in the world, so things usually when his way in the OR. It was the things outside of the OR that usually weren't in his control. One particular example was Meredith Grey. Two nights ago she had all but ordered him out of her bedroom and now here she was waiting for him.

Meredith was leaning against the wall with her legs crossed and her hands joined behind her back. She didn't bother to speak right now. Instead she just smiled at him. The smile was cute and flirty, innocent and sexy, and loving and lustful all wrapped into one. On any other day, this is the exact same type of smile that would lead to gloriously hot on call room sex, but today was different.

Derek looked at her for a moment, wanting more than anything to just hold her, but he walked away instead. He hoped that Meredith would just leave it alone, but he heard her footsteps behind him.

"Derek?" Meredith sped up and blocked Derek's path forward by standing in front of him. "What's wrong?"

He could have laughed at her question, but he was too angry and sad to do that. Instead, he just looked at her, hoping she'd go away. When it became apparent that she was going to stay exactly where she was, Derek took a breath and convinced himself to speak.

"I love you." He said it simply.

"I love you t—" She almost finished her sentence, but Derek gave her a cross look and she immediately stopped talking.

"I wasn't done." He took another breath before continuing. "I love you. I want you. I need you. I want to marry you. I want to build you a house. I want to have kids with you. When I die I want to look back on my life and know that we loved each other, truly loved each other, so that I can have that peace of mind. But you don't want that or you don't want it right now. That's what's wrong, Meredith."

Meredith was stunned, practically frozen in place, and only after a couple of moments did she even begin to respond. It would have been nice if she had been able to speak, but she looked too surprised by his words. She placed her hand on his, but continued to be speechless. Derek waited for her to say something, but it wasn't going to happen any time soon, so he pulled his hand away.

"I wish things could have been different, Meredith." He smiled at her before leaning forward and kissing her on the forehead. When he pulled back, Derek searched her eyes for any last bit of hope, but he still found only confusion and heard only silence. He nodded his head, confirming it to himself, that Meredith wasn't ready. "Bye." He walked back the way he had come and didn't look back. If he had, she would have seen the tears falling from his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

_Love stinks. If there is one universal truth, it's that. Sure, it makes you feel warm and fuzzy and you usually smile a whole lot more, but those are just breaks from what love is. It ruins relationships. Perfectly good, sexual relationships. It ruins them. One minute it's an amazing night in bed and the next minute there's questions about the future. Why can't it just be fun? Love stinks._

Meredith headed into Joe's Bar. After the day she'd had, particularly the part where Derek basically ended things with her, she knew that she needed a drink. Maybe fifty. She looked around the crowded bar, but saw none of her friends. Well, at least the universe was being consistent.

"Hi Joe." She sat on a barstool and gave Joe a friendly smile. "I need tequila."

Joe gave her a knowing look, but nonetheless supplied her with a shot glass and filled it with her alcohol of choice. It was there for less than a second and Meredith had already lifted the glass to her lips and sent the burning liquid down her throat. Joe shook his head lightly, but refilled the shot glass. The customer was always right. Or so they say.

_One hour later_

"So, then he says, '_I wish things could have been different, Meredith._'" She stopped talking just long enough to make sure she wasn't going to puke. "And then he just walked away. Stupid, McDreamy. You know, I don't even care. I'm glad we're over. Finally free." She smiled for less than a second before frowning and looking up at Joe with sad eyes. "Do you think we're over?"

Before Joe had a chance to respond, an inebriated young man walked up to Meredith and as luck would have it, this was the exact moment that Derek entered Joe's Bar. What he saw was Meredith with another man. He didn't see that she was ignoring him, but only that she wasn't telling him off or rejecting him. Derek looked around the room and saw Rose, the nurse, sitting with a group of friends having a drink.

He strolled towards the group of women and smiled at the nurse. The other women at the table gave her various looks, while those closest to her gave her a gentle nudge. Rose got the point of it all and stood up, if only to satisfy her friends, but she knew that this was what she wanted as well. "Derek, how are you?" She smiled even though she felt that her words could not have been any lamer.

Derek was hesitant to hit on the nurse. He still loved Meredith. "I'm doing well." But Meredith wasn't ready for a life. He had to move on, because if he didn't he was always going to want more. "Better now that we're talking." Derek brushed his hand against Rose's and she responded with a gentle nudge. "How would you like to—"

Rose stopped him by taking his hand into her own. "How about you take me home. We can talk some more." Her smile could not be mistaken for anything but pure lust and she was quite 

obviously a little tipsy. Her hands caressed Derek's arm and when he kept his eyes on her, she knew she had him.

Derek liked Rose, he couldn't deny that. She was smart, attractive, funny, and now he was aware of just how much she liked him. Maybe it was because he actually liked her or maybe it was because of what he thought he had witnessed concerning Meredith and the guy hitting on her, but either way he was going to take Rose up on her offer.

Rose grabbed her purse from the table before joining Derek at the front of the bar. He greeted her with a smile and couldn't take his eyes off of her. Too bad. If he had been able to tear his eyes away from Rose and maybe scan the room, he would have seen Meredith looking at him with so much pain and hurt in her eyes that he would've been able to snap out of taking Rose home. But he didn't look her way and she was far too stunned and hurt to do anything but look at him. She was still looking at him as he walked out with Rose, hand in hand.


	4. Chapter 4

Things had been going well. Derek and Rose had walked into her apartment and kissing had started. Then there was touching, which turned into grabbing, but then things went south. Rose was a lot more assertive than Meredith. She was kind of kinky and Derek wasn't exactly into the whip collection he saw in her closet. He had been trying to figure a way out of it when she stripped and got on the bed.

This is where he is now. Staring at a naked and unconscious Rose, whip in hand and snoring like he's never heard before. Quite a sight. He wasn't going to complain about the naked part, no, she was definitely a good looking woman, but this wasn't for him. Derek stood up and gently put Rose to bed, taking care to cover her and remove the whip from her possession.

"Good night, Rose."

He shut the lights off and made sure to lock the door before leaving the house.

_Meanwhile, back in the bar…_

"Screw Derek, he's a bastard." Cristina put her hand on Meredith's shoulder and took a drink of her beer. "Just drink and get over him. Who needs McDreamy anyway?" She tried to give a reassuring smile to Meredith, but she wasn't good at the emotion thing. Meredith was her person, but still, it was hard for her to dispense this kind of advice without sounding too harsh.

_I need McDreamy. He's my McDreamy to need. _Meredith thought to herself. She didn't understand how Derek could just leave with that…really nice woman. Okay, she didn't exactly hate Rose. Rose was nice enough and she didn't have any annoying habits or anything. She hated how she didn't hate the nurse. It was just like with Addison. She never hated Addison either.

"He just…left with her." Meredith turned away from Cristina, but was immediately spun back to face her. "What? I can't wallow in self-pity?"

Cristina thought for a second and then started to speak. "No. You can't. That's a new rule. No wallowing. If you want McDumbass back, fight for him. If you want to get over him, do the McNasty with some random guy. Or do more work, but no wallowing." She looked at her sternly before taking another sip of her beer.

"Fine, but it's not like I can just walk up to him and ask him to come back to me." Meredith downed the shot of tequila sitting in front of her without a second thought. In an instant she was smiling and happy. "Or maybe I cou— No, nevermind." She stopped smiling. She knew she couldn't just beg for him to come back. She had her pride to look after. She wasn't going to look a fool in front of him after he had gone off with _her_.

"I don't want to think anymore." Meredith said it pathetically as she looked at Cristina and promptly passed out.

"Great." Cristina looked down at her friend who happened to be very unconscious and sighed. "Just great."


End file.
